S2EP104

AUTOMATED TRANSCRIPT

00:01.10
charukaarora
Okay, welcome to the podcast Mac find the I am so excited that I will literally have you right in front of my screen.

00:12.27
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for having me, you’ve been so incredibly Ah, generous to invite me here I’m such a fan of yours. Thank you.

00:21.34
charukaarora
Um, yeah I I can say the same first. Thank you so much you and I have been doing this doing so I literally feel like I had to like I literally blind you on this piece and be.

00:34.24
charukaarora
Hundred percent on it because you you’d ghosted me a couple of starting before I was like I I send you a message and I was like I just wanted in mind you just in days if you’re picking over page. You have to up today.

00:49.81
Meg Lionel Murphy
Ah, it’s true. It’s true I was so nervous I’m so and I yeah and I’m I’m so excited to talk more about that in general I’ve been going through so many changes in my life and my career right now.

00:50.41
charukaarora
Yeah I just I know.

01:03.49
Meg Lionel Murphy
Like who even am I Who could I What could I even say on a podcast right now and it’s interesting. But I find ah ah.

01:10.22
charukaarora
That’s that’s a good thing to say because you know what? even like I have reach out to so inch people and this is a very common response a lot of times. Ah someone would say oh I don’t think I’m there yet, you know I someone else would have something that is do say I’m like.

01:22.72
Meg Lionel Murphy
He.

01:28.23
charukaarora
No I want you I want I want to hear your story I want to hear ah your perspective and share that time. What why? What was that that was holding you back like let’s start with that I think this delicious.

01:39.36
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, well truly in the last year I’ve struggled with my art career I feel like I’ve had a very. Beautiful run the last five years or so like in my my career kind of started in the last five years and it was really organic and wonderful and with the pandemic you know obviously things were shaken a bit in the art world and I was still able to have you know. 3 different solo shows during the pandemic which was incredible I mean that’s wonderful, but behind the scenes it was a struggle. Um, you know I was struggling with my gallery I I was.

02:11.16
charukaarora
Um, yes.

02:24.84
Meg Lionel Murphy
I was struggling with um mental health and I was moving Studios and I just felt like everything was kind of turning in a different direction and I I kind of lost sight of what the future for my art career looks like so I think I was a little bit nervous. But at this point I’m just maybe that’s. You know, good raw material to sort through and I’m very happy to start from the beginning and think through like where I’ve been but I don’t know exactly where my work is going and I will see if this can become a therapy session.

02:46.61
charukaarora
Um, yes.

02:48.83
charukaarora
Um, yes, yeah.

02:56.43
charukaarora
You know I think we was then let’s lets let’s hold on to this thought by the end of their serve. Um and speak as we go but you know what I think um like you said and I think just has so much just has so much good and I I knew that stopping to you was so was give.

03:03.38
Meg Lionel Murphy
Ah, okay, okay.

03:16.50
charukaarora
You know what when I was looking at you and I just we being in touch for I think fast this surprised me I think the fourth time these four was in the beginning of the pandemic I remember especially when you made that post that you you your studio and I remember that you were saying you are you move and like.

03:21.83
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, yes.

03:34.60
Meg Lionel Murphy
C is e.

03:34.69
charukaarora
Just been a long time even though like we’ve just been for meetinging the podcast but you know think then as I have always felt that you know you had these huge and of course I think just’s the scale and the beauty of your work of like you know work like a madx spell like for me. And but just on the general on a forefront for someone who’s an outside or doing looking at what’s happening on the outside I felt like that’s so method happening for you and like given the movement that people see and I have no clue was what on gather 5 and similarly like.

04:06.56
Meg Lionel Murphy
And.

04:10.46
charukaarora
A lot of times people the past two years for me has been very hard and like 2 10 even with the beginning of the college I you know the work that we do our 2 heart and myself and to me I think the past two years is just be like I feel like I’m begging making it like through me hundred percent dollars

04:26.20
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, yes.

04:29.84
charukaarora
Very making news right now I’m recording this podcast I have a million mark around me none of them was I don’t have a studio I don’t have a place to live. Um, everything I had built in the past couple like 2 3 years I feel like everything’s you know, falling and like I don’t know how to put it together like. A new change which if it’s good or bad if it’ll take away. It will add something like those mill request. But here I am just in these these microphones of headphones and just because I think um, you know we are both taking care because.

05:05.82
charukaarora
And distrust and faith that we need to keep with.

05:10.74
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, yes I think um oh my gosh I’m getting you know I think I’m I’m so thankful you said that and I think we’re not, There’s so much. There’s so much pressure to be extremely vulnerable on social media and my art is about.

05:25.12
charukaarora
Um, yes, yes.

05:27.69
Meg Lionel Murphy
Vulnerability and so it is the place. Yeah, and it’s the place where I process a lot of my pain and background and trauma and ideas about the world and so but it’s funny because you get this little square and you get a little piece you you get a little block to write some text in it and you’re.

05:37.69
charukaarora
Yeah.

05:44.81
Meg Lionel Murphy
And maybe a video or 2 and you’re supposed to like you know be to share your entire life as it goes and unfolds and I can’t do that I think I’m a really private person. Actually even though my art is very like in your face about lots of intense emotions and feelings.

05:49.87
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

05:59.17
charukaarora
So yeah, that’s true.

06:03.59
Meg Lionel Murphy
But I like leaving it in my art and not necessarily in social media necessarily but um, so I don’t know it’s been kind of a hard endic but I so relate to you about barely making it I mean I I’ll be very honest like my bank account is negative a lot like I am not making it financially. Um.

06:21.16
charukaarora
I oh my god I love that oh my god and not that I love that. But I think you know I like because I think a lot of people think like you was I think we haven’t fronted on is like Fa I’m not making hours and go work.

06:22.93
Meg Lionel Murphy
But but in yeah, yeah, yes.

06:39.75
charukaarora
Like things of course like I think I end up even footing back in the business I ended up spending so much more taking so many more risk than um, just what I’m doing with and making and also like apart from this I do a million more things to make sure that i.

06:45.14
Meg Lionel Murphy
This is.

06:54.80
Meg Lionel Murphy
Shacks.

06:54.89
charukaarora
Bring food on the table to like you know make sure I have that consistent because that I think made me fit.

07:01.45
Meg Lionel Murphy
No, it’s so true. It’s so true and um, you know I I have recently um, become you know closer with an artist locally based in the in Wisconsin and um. His name is Fred Stonehouse and I heard him speak recently and he was saying that you know if you’re going to be an artist and you’re like what he says you know a working class artist which is what I relate to my family is not like a fancy family. You know we there’s no art.

07:19.47
charukaarora
And.

07:29.17
charukaarora
And yes and that.

07:34.65
Meg Lionel Murphy
There’s not really and there’s no artists in my family. There’s no sense of art. The first time I’d ever been to an art museum was I was a senior in high school I was 18 Yes, yes, oh my god yes, totally I love that. So yeah, it’s a totally different kind of way of experiencing the art world and.

07:41.31
charukaarora
Um I was straightful I was very for ah.

07:53.45
Meg Lionel Murphy
But he was he comes from you know a similar background and he’s become wildly successful and he said something where he was like you just have to expect and embrace like financial and like financial chaos and if you can find a partner that is willing to like basically.

08:09.10
charukaarora
And now.

08:12.80
Meg Lionel Murphy
Be like to give everything to your art and just like be okay with that chaos that financial and emotional chaos. You’ll be okay and so you know that is something that I’ve really like thought about lately like just it’s okay like I love when artists will say like that the truth about what it is to be an artist and.

08:26.63
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, yeah I think I think honestly to ask me? Um I think they’re too loyal to it I feel like a lot of people I feel are not completelying on this with.

08:31.75
Meg Lionel Murphy
Is.

08:42.70
charukaarora
What’s the definition of being an art of me like you know, especially I think in today’s time um let’s say I feel like not everyone has a choice and not maybe everyone wants and I and honestly I took you from my heart of heart. Never want others to feel that that they need to be in a crisis both all the time. But I also like being in entrepreneur know myself being artist myself I feel like entrepreneurship and art being an artist are two very very similar things and like in business that you build being in artist physical order investment from you and time from you so expecting this result instantly.

09:08.34
Meg Lionel Murphy
The.

09:17.65
Meg Lionel Murphy
The.

09:19.49
charukaarora
And taking the for granted like in any other form of business is not is not weird I think it’s a very unnatural expectation and um, it takes the work. It takes a lot of patients like any other work business. So you just to push yourself out there to you know, make sense of the fact we canno artist will not come with a rulebook so you need to figure it out for yourself. But yeah Also I think the lot people be but are honest like I associate myself as a creator more than anything else. Um I Even if I say.

09:39.14
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, yes.

09:53.69
charukaarora
Financially I make money in several different ways to make sure that I knew I didn’t have an option to be on to someone or I didn’t have the financial structure to feel that and I knew that I need to work things around and make sure that I do that for myself and still keep making the work and sometimes. Goes back up and down and like that movement keeps happening but this is what an art life looks like to me for myself and that we completely look different with someone but just the idea that there are so many possible ways on how you live and Island This is how I choose to be anifant.

10:17.95
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes.

10:27.98
charukaarora
Ah, you choose to be an artist. Yeah.

10:31.89
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, oh my goodness. Yeah, you know it’s It’s funny I Um I had this thought once I realized I realized that a lot of artists in my circle did have some kind of.

10:49.23
Meg Lionel Murphy
Inheritance that they could build upon and it didn’t have to be money but it was like maybe it was like a family that really loved art or or even a money you know it was there was and I thought of myself I thought like you know what is my inheritance like what have I what can I build on that is Ben it’s like built within me from my bones since I’ve been a small child and.

10:51.90
charukaarora
Yeah.

11:07.87
Meg Lionel Murphy
Was living in Portland Oregon and I had I you know honestly I had just gone through several traumas and my twenty s were awful. My twenty s are awful. Um, my thirty s have been great I love love my 30 s but.

11:20.78
charukaarora
My goodness.

11:26.85
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, but I was you know I was kind of seeking refuge in Portland Oregon and I there was this moment where I realized I can’t afford to be here anymore like I can’t afford to live here and make art and I thought what do I have and I knew you know I grew up in a very small town. in in Rural Wisconsin and my grandmother died and I went back home for her funeral and I looked around and I realized that I could probably afford to make art full time if I moved home and it’d be very lonely and very isolated and there’s no, you know? yeah.

12:00.30
charukaarora
Yes, yeah.

12:04.72
Meg Lionel Murphy
And there is an art community there. But it’s much older and it’s very based on tourism. You know so it’s not like the kind of art that I want to make but since ever since I moved home and I moved into like this little my dad has like a junkyard and so I did I got there’s this little tiny shack like a little tiny shack.

12:05.96
charukaarora
Yes, yeah I.

12:18.40
charukaarora
I My brand name. So.

12:24.22
Meg Lionel Murphy
Truly a jacket used to actually be a refrigerator like a walk-in refrigerator and we like we like kind of replace the walls a bit and like but you know there would be like bugs and sand in there every morning it have to like you know, sweep it out and no air conditioning and you know yeah it was just not climate controlled but whatever I loved it so much.

12:25.12
charukaarora
Like.

12:43.82
Meg Lionel Murphy
And I would like look out my door and there’d be like bodies of old boats and tractors and cars and like it just felt like chaos and you can really see it in my art because there’s like objects and weird things kind of floating throughout and lots of nature kind of impeding on the bodies and it worked out like it just it was so beautiful.

12:52.70
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

13:03.47
Meg Lionel Murphy
And I loved working there and I don’t work there anymore I have I’ve had a studio in between there and now I have my own studio in a building that um, my partner actually brought. Yeah so it’s been a huge progression and I don’t yeah.

13:11.70
charukaarora
I Next that so making yeah start the same page. Um I Really want to ask this for you for my dad like but I hope’t so I can back to my bedroom house. Um. Between the pan and then I now I’m you know oscillating between the small down the big 50 and just making things go because my father stays here I stay there and then I felt like I needed to be here and but I have double feel even though I feel like.

13:40.94
Meg Lionel Murphy
B.

13:45.82
charukaarora
Even though I feel like I have grown the most in the past years from a small, very very small town which has no art communities at all. Um I still managed to is focus on my work focus on. Um. But not too hard and just a community because I knew that I am not someone who likes to be 20 but 7 in the studio I need to speak to creative people I need this conversation because this is to do where gets been going. Um, but. I I wouldn’t deny that I’ve not had here with that if I keep continuing saying that. Not you know, even though I’m the least active person locally even though I’ll believe that I am but now have and I seen I really don’t make it I believe not a person who likes to go to parties like events and like. You know I’m just not bad I just don’t feel that way. But I think what was your fear when it comes to like did you have any thought that you moving from the biggest city to the smaller city losing over opportunities is not making you to like things like that.

14:47.10
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, I mean I’m still really afraid when I I always thought you know moving back I was hoping it would be temporary like I could save up money. Yes, yes, but the more I stayed there the more I realized.

14:57.16
charukaarora
And I love that Yes I.

15:06.48
Meg Lionel Murphy
Like it’s just so I’ll never be able to find a more affordable situation and it just so and it’s so beautiful where I live like we’re on Lake Michigan and so it just looks like an ocean but it’s all fresh water and.

15:18.48
charukaarora
I Say this? Yeah oh wow.

15:25.72
Meg Lionel Murphy
White sand beaches and beautiful forests and lots of public land to explore. So I just it’s the beauty of my surroundings and the affordability and I did get the opportunity to show a lot in New York and la so if I can get out and get to those cities.

15:28.23
charukaarora
And.

15:39.84
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

15:44.86
Meg Lionel Murphy
You know several times a year and show my work that’s wonderful. However I don’t have the day-to-day rub of you know connections that really like allows my work to flourish you know, um in a city and I’m sure it’s not good. You know I don’t necessarily know if it’s possible.

16:01.98
charukaarora
Yeah.

16:03.91
Meg Lionel Murphy
Long term to keep doing this especially I’ll say like um I’ve just recently and this is really scary for me and I don’t necessarily know how to talk about it and this is one of the reasons that I think I’ve put off this podcast is I did have representation with the gallery in New York for a few years now and.

16:23.29
Meg Lionel Murphy
It was the dream. You know that’s the dream even for people that live in New York it’s hard to get representation. Um, but I am a small-town girl and I am yeah and I am really sensitive like I’ve been through.

16:23.96
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:32.79
charukaarora
Yeah, oh my God I Love it.

16:40.70
Meg Lionel Murphy
Extreme trauma and I’m in you know I’m in trauma therapy and I really struggle every day with my mental health like it’s not. It’s not like I’m not healed you know and I yeah and so I have to be really careful about who I let in my life.

16:52.79
charukaarora
My My dad. Um, right? Yeah I I get every bit of what you’re saying I feel like you just like taking words out of my I.

17:00.39
Meg Lionel Murphy
And how and yeah, yeah, yeah, and I so I made the decision to leave the gallery I was with in New York and I’m so thankful. For the opportunity I had there I had 3 solo shows through that gallery and I have to be careful about what I say but I was really unhappy like I was really unhappy with that gallery and it’s hard to know like you know it’s like.

17:19.83
charukaarora
And. To down here.

17:33.66
Meg Lionel Murphy
You get your dream come true and it’s nothing like you think it’s going to be you know and where I’m happiest is just in my studio in my imaginary world of my paintings and so this year I Just want to like make everything about painting.

17:34.47
charukaarora
Oh my God yeah.

17:48.83
charukaarora
I.

17:49.39
Meg Lionel Murphy
I don’t care if I don’t if I have I have one show I’m really looking forward to in February and it’s in Wisconsin it’s in a museum and it’s a beautiful space and I’m just going to work for that show and think nothing else I’m not going to leave I’m not going to go to a city I’m going to spend every waking.

17:56.13
charukaarora
Yeah, more.

18:05.36
charukaarora
My.

18:06.61
Meg Lionel Murphy
Moment from now until February building a world that doesn’t exist on this planet. You know it’s just completely in my my own mind and I am just that’s that’s where I want to be right now. I I need to be in this imaginary space I can’t be in a city I have to be exactly where I am. And we’ll see what happens next I have no idea I might have just made the worst career decision of my life. Um, but for my soul I needed it.

18:29.35
charukaarora
I What you know and I mean who knows I I think I get I So get the only is that I’m so glad that you look forward your heart and you’ve got a least an answer for what you want to go and I feel that I’m exactlying the same page when I move back to my parents. So I am a fond of both of heart and enough.

18:46.81
Meg Lionel Murphy
Recognition.

18:48.43
charukaarora
And I just I just love the a I love to speak the one um the slowest of that life I just hate being your wish to be running after things. And we invent meat and then draw sweet with like everything it struggle it gets harder than it get actually then I similarly thought that I was going back to my better house just tend to and then I started seeing there and. Mom possibly I had stayed longer than the next two years than I realize like I really like being you know in a small town and I I had a beautiful studio that I was so happy late and like I felt close to meet I felt myself and I felt that and I’ve been see like rumy like like. Energy of to leave you. But then again I like start times and I feel like I still don’t have to put it out where I want to be but I do get every bit port and something. Um, how hard you put is over here in motion from monitorability your world. Hard did that for you like when you started making the work I know like you want talk about what figured your work I you would be more than happy to but then talk but track. It’s not easy to be so clean and honest about what.

20:16.78
charukaarora
Happening and what’s happening for the youth. How do you deal with that is.

20:17.33
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, you know actually I feel like it’s the easiest most natural thing in the world to be honest about what’s happened to me and my emotional life. It’s harder. To pretend like everything’s okay so I actually yeah so I actually find so much peace in going deep with my pain like I Just that’s where I feel like the truth of my life is and yeah, so every like.

20:36.83
charukaarora
I Oh my God Yeah I.

20:53.28
Meg Lionel Murphy
Forced smile or forced interaction and I struggle with the real world like I don’t like small niceties and small talk and things like that like that I don’t I don’t have a It’s really hard and painful but like it just feels so good to just live inside. The pain and go towards it because otherwise without that outlet. It will just swallow me whole and I cannot even live like I need to go towards it or it it doesn’t let me escape it if that makes sense. Um, so yeah, yeah.

21:25.10
charukaarora
I Absolutely asking. But then um, can you can you talk about the worship you music and why so that everything has a bunch.

21:33.13
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, sure sure. So I I’ll start by just saying you know I studied art art history and literature in college and I was so lucky to spend a few months in italy. Um.

21:48.89
charukaarora
I.

21:50.45
Meg Lionel Murphy
More than a few like a very yeah and it was this just like intense boot camp with this woman who was who did not speak English and my Italian is terrible and she would just she really like believed in me and she would just it was everything I could have ever wanted. You know she really pushed me.

21:59.20
charukaarora
I.

22:09.99
Meg Lionel Murphy
To attain a realism that I always wanted to achieve and for a long time I painted you know more hyper realistic paintings and and then after yeah and then um, right after college I got married.

22:18.87
charukaarora
I Love meeting.

22:29.30
Meg Lionel Murphy
And my whole life I had been painting. Um, it used to just be like like a little watercolor you get from school and I figured out if I could add just a little bit of white acrylic paint to my watercolor set I could make like these really like matte Really I It’s funny because yeah I But yes gush and I.

22:34.68
charukaarora
Um, and.

22:44.86
charukaarora
Um, watched yeah.

22:48.90
Meg Lionel Murphy
So it’s funny because now that’s what I I kind of went back to the way that I painted as a kid recently and well I use Gush now I just use straight Gosh Acrylic Gush and but it looks so similar. It looks really similar to what I did as a kid but um.

22:52.29
charukaarora
See you I can miss mixing watercolor bigger. Oh yes I Love clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

23:07.19
Meg Lionel Murphy
But so anyway I was painting at home and I had I was I I got engaged to somebody and we moved in together and then I started realizing that something was wrong and I didn’t understand what it was.

23:24.91
charukaarora
You.

23:26.86
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, because I married a really kind person I thought or I was engaged to a really kind person I chose them because they were very fun and sweet. But we were in college and there was a lot of partying. You know that went on a lot of drinking with all of my friends and but he never grew out of that and.

23:32.76
charukaarora
Yeah.

23:40.11
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

23:46.20
Meg Lionel Murphy
It got worse and worse and worse until I realized he was drinking from the moment he woke up to the moment he went to bed and he was a very very very violent alcoholic and I was it got to the point.

23:52.85
charukaarora
So move.

24:04.67
Meg Lionel Murphy
Where I was extremely abused and beaten on a daily basis and I really feel like I I could have died in that relationship I probably should have died in that relationship sometimes I feel like I did die in that relationship. It felt so dangerous and so scary.

24:10.67
charukaarora
And number me.

24:24.55
Meg Lionel Murphy
And I think with a lot of domestic violence with really smart men cunning men.

24:29.38
charukaarora
I Yeah that that I think we have this notion. Okay, this is a person who could look like certain but you know like yeah I mean these are things that think nobody tells you which it does not under the tab or a protection.

24:34.55
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, yeah.

24:40.87
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, yes and he was so he was polish and his nickname was Mishu which means Teddy bear like and that’s what people saw him as was a Teddy bear and he was when he was sober but he was never sober in the end and.

24:49.56
charukaarora
Online heritage and.

24:57.36
charukaarora
Yeah.

25:00.42
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, so he and he and I think it’s important to say like he was really good for a very long time about not causing you know, physical wounds. You know, very like good at like a lot of like shaking.

25:13.70
charukaarora
And yeah, yeah.

25:19.96
Meg Lionel Murphy
And you know so like I could go on and on. But there’s a lot of ways you can be abused by a smart person who doesn’t realize can like hide it. We would get the police called on us constantly it was and I would lie I’d be like oh um, we were watching a movie.

25:27.29
charukaarora
Um, that actually like no.

25:36.14
charukaarora
And.

25:39.62
Meg Lionel Murphy
And oh you heard him shout that was he had a bad day like I’m okay, it’s Fine. You know I was constantly lying for him I didn’t he had isolated my isolated me from my friends. My family I didn’t he didn’t want me to have a job. He I didn’t have my own bank account I had no money I had he was in charge of my cell phone and he kept threatening to cut my cell phone off it was he had control of every last piece of my life at a very young age and I was.

26:09.74
charukaarora
Like how by.

26:17.64
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, I think I was 23 when we got married and I it took he was the same age. So yeah and I think it looking back like I see a lot of the same there were there was just there was so much pain and I have to be careful about how much I say because I am.

26:19.96
charukaarora
I am how old with me. Thank you.

26:37.17
charukaarora
9 absolutely what I would make you up with a beast.

26:37.67
Meg Lionel Murphy
I’m still a little afraid of the consequences. But I I’ll just yeah, no, but there was just one moment that kind of it just it I never will forget it I was painting.

26:56.84
charukaarora
And.

26:57.57
Meg Lionel Murphy
The floor of my apartment and you know freshly out of college like just excited about the world excited about painting that like who am I going to be as an artist and as I’m painting he comes in and sits down next to me and he looks over at me and he goes.

27:06.28
charukaarora
Yeah.

27:14.47
Meg Lionel Murphy
I am so much better than you and I just like and then from that point on if I ever took out my paints. He would get upset. He did not want me painting and I just I just lost my so I stopped painting I stopped painting I stopped.

27:15.60
charukaarora
Oh my good man.

27:25.47
charukaarora
Last 5

27:33.00
Meg Lionel Murphy
Doing much I just I poured everything I had into a literary magazine actually I ran in a literary magazine with a friend Yes, paper darts for a really long time and I kind of would that’s where I put my energy. Um, but I don’t know it’s just.

27:38.31
charukaarora
So yeah, theyly does.

27:52.49
Meg Lionel Murphy
The thing though I want to come back to too is when he started when the when the when the physical violence started to get worse and there were a few examples like I would get bruising or cuts or things like that. Um I had a friend that.

28:04.19
charukaarora
Nine two

28:11.20
Meg Lionel Murphy
Got really concerned and she’s like what happened and I’d be like oh my cat. You know I was just trying to make excuses and one day she came over to my house and she said you know if you don’t leave him I have to leave you like I cannot.

28:14.50
charukaarora
From again.

28:29.91
Meg Lionel Murphy
Watch this anymore I know what’s happening and you have to get out and she said I will help you I will do everything it takes to get you out of this but you have to leave him and and she ran this paper arts with me this like creative outlet and this creative outlet.

28:31.49
charukaarora
I know.

28:39.59
charukaarora
I.

28:46.77
charukaarora
Um, oh yeah.

28:48.34
Meg Lionel Murphy
Was so powerful to me. It was such. It was my whole world. It was I had no world except for that and I at that point I realized I need to get out. It was exactly what I needed to hear I don’t know and I I and then from that point on I.

28:52.93
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

29:01.78
charukaarora
So yeah.

29:07.17
Meg Lionel Murphy
Took a really long time to rebuild my life and I when I moved out my first job because I didn’t have a job because he wouldn’t let me have a job so the first job I got which was remarkable I was illustrating short stories for my literary magazine. Yeah.

29:09.11
charukaarora
1

29:15.17
charukaarora
Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:25.25
Meg Lionel Murphy
So then I started I got a job illustrating the bible for children which is so funny because I’m I’m not a religious person but I did grow up Catholic I grew up Catholic So and it was a lutheran bible and I so I could kind of I knew anyway.

29:28.25
charukaarora
I Oh my goodness what that gonna mean? Yeah, okay yeah.

29:43.21
Meg Lionel Murphy
It was so interesting and I yes I was like a monk I was like I I felt I would just go into my little I had a tiny this friend that helped me get out of the relationship she was like okay your life is gonna suck now.

29:43.61
charukaarora
Um, yeah, how how did that contribute to your healing in any way as I find this kid.

29:59.58
charukaarora
And.

30:01.30
Meg Lionel Murphy
Like you’re goingnna live in the worst apartment where you can only afford like a terrible apartment. You’re gonna live in a bad apartment. You’re gonna be broke. It’s going to be hard. You’re gonna be sad, but it’s going to be worth it I was like I needed to hear that too I was like okay yes I’m Goingnna be broke. Okay I love it. Let’s do it and so we did we found this like.

30:06.88
charukaarora
I And yeah, nothing’s more yeah, all my.

30:20.54
Meg Lionel Murphy
Little tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny apartment I don’t even know how it’s legal to be an apartment but it had a it had a chandelier and it was like such a beautiful reminder of like ok, it’s so tiny but it has a chandelier to us like.

30:25.64
charukaarora
I.

30:36.29
charukaarora
I wow.

30:39.33
Meg Lionel Murphy
And so I just I just and I drew everything on paper and then I would scan it in and then I would digitalize it and it would just take me all day and there would just be stacks of paper of these crazy things and it was so lovely and healing and it went after that I realized.

30:45.42
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

30:57.17
charukaarora
Um, the.

30:59.20
Meg Lionel Murphy
That I loved kind of a more playful style more of a childlike style and then I thought what would it be like to start making like artwork that has a more playful flat style and um, so that’s kind of where I started pushing myself in a new direction and yeah.

31:09.76
charukaarora
So yeah.

31:17.61
charukaarora
I so my god this is I have and just I had admit them that I knew that I was Pat I would be paid with you before record fraud because I just video was I could see so much of your stress and touch.

31:17.93
Meg Lionel Murphy
And.

31:35.53
charukaarora
How powerful and how inspiling you are and I truly I think I exactly feel like where I where you like hi am where you were and I truly I truly can understand how much college. Um.

31:44.13
Meg Lionel Murphy
E.

31:53.53
charukaarora
It takes to Disney will come to the town that this is what you like and going to be can take a lot of courage and effort to flip it on the other side and usually to the fact like I child with like I was never really good for. But. Ever since my mom’s passing away and then a lot of things happen that were not so good I started to try finding comfort in and I wouldn’t say I have become a religious person completely like you know, but yes I think. Whatever the gpi to find even it was is fit for um, some some religious effort or something like that and it it does help because who doesn’t like I think it when you doubt see it’s like it’s like every little life that you can find. Even if it could be get to fit and you find like even if I can go on to fix maybe needs ill get to it maybe the next best and I think that’s bests just. And I I truly I don’t know it’s just bit too for me and I’m so it just being more than that for you I I think I dream. Um I haven’t said just I didn like life to be like you know, um.

33:18.77
charukaarora
Everything is always on the surface everyrees takess and she scraps you know sure I show up the things that I have to because if I don’t what what going you keep me going like is best. Um, but I I break down a million times in a day last week. Lips to me my sister have to come and take me good life. You can’t be like just you have to come with me and make shut. That’s the thing will say and it is hard to understand how strong love do works and how you process that and. How? um I really want to relate? What was the reaction when you started making a um were you like you know when I was seen your work I know like I thought this one to work. There’s this window and then. The boy that is like there’s a boy and the girl like that’s a whole domestic abuse things for me. Let’s say my promise actually comes from my mother’s passing away still to be honest I can’t do that a picture even today. Um, even to be just the mention of her name or.

34:36.29
charukaarora
Actually like things or a lot of things that’s happening around me triggers me like a few expect um when I was you know with youing that work I like how must have it felt to you because it’s like also confronting like it’s. You’re putting yourself back into that situation as you really reliving like every time I see my mom. It’s like I am reliving that moment like I have to say it like I tried to escape the moment like I know with the search but I I still don’t find that coverage and when I saw your what I was like. What what world? What would you be thinking while making that work because it’s It’s like you go back into that Moment. What would you want to talk about that.

35:21.28
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, oh my goodness. Well first of all I’m just I Just like hear you speaking and I just I feel so deeply for your pain like it just it’s so hard to keep going and I Think. Think it’s just so beautiful to even just say those words out loud like I’m struggling I’m struggling I’m struggling and I think the more you can say it the better I mean.

35:46.25
charukaarora
And yeah it if you should but like there so much of using shameable. They shouldly. Um.

35:54.10
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, yes, yes.

36:00.12
charukaarora
And like you know for me. Um I am the most sensitive one around and I think 5 but I know that how do I stop.

36:07.64
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um.

36:16.83
charukaarora
How do I stop myself from being this that I’d be feeling but not today I’ve had a very complex history filter drawn up and like I have found things so way I have and it’s not like I’m on top of sure there are people to be good for my and you know they yes. But I do’ and sometimes I think bad because I don’t want to be like I’m not seeking attention and I’m not I don’t want people just to succeed with me with you know with my tree but I have also I to come to the fact, um, that.

36:54.82
charukaarora
That Trauma has also become a father like it’s not just one trauma focus So many unopen boxes that have now stuff days that I have to be with them and I am sensitive and I have to act it and I have to keep science because I’m not giving up I think see I keep tellinging myself like. Breaking down is still better than giving up breakking down lift so better this because all of these years like I had my feeling like bottleing down like and like locked away and after my mom I felt like and then everything that happens I like everything just came onto to the top there and.

37:20.66
Meg Lionel Murphy
Listen.

37:28.89
Meg Lionel Murphy
Is is.

37:32.26
charukaarora
Like I want know how did you like how have you managed that and also have that impact your work So you’re putting back lot into your.

37:42.74
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, yeah I really you know I think I’ve needed different kinds of healing at different times and I’ve been in. Therapy of some kind for the last ten years um I’ve been out of yeah I’ve been out of my relationship. My my primary source of trauma for 10 years and so it’s.

38:02.64
charukaarora
My commitment.

38:10.45
charukaarora
I congratulations.

38:14.32
Meg Lionel Murphy
Thank you? But it’s still so present. You know it’s still there. It still feels like the defining thing of my life and right when I got out of it I was walking down the street and I saw I looked to my right I Still remember it. It gets me emotional to think about it. But I.

38:18.50
charukaarora
You have things.

38:33.78
Meg Lionel Murphy
Saw a piece of paper that said domestic abuse support group and I thought could I be in that group am I like I think what I went through was domestic abuse I think.

38:50.76
charukaarora
And.

38:53.16
Meg Lionel Murphy
It would be nice to be in that group and it said free and I was like Wow I need a free group So I so I did make a call and it was a small clinic and they they let me you know they gave me free therapy. Um.

38:57.59
charukaarora
And.

39:12.84
Meg Lionel Murphy
For a few years and I was able to in it was with graduate students so it was just with students but they were so passionate about their work that it was some of the best therapy I’ve ever gotten and I have so much, especially a few of them I just I owe my life to them. They really helped me get through it and.

39:14.94
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

39:19.38
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah. That one will have quote.

39:32.54
Meg Lionel Murphy
Also being in a group therapy setting and I’ve been ah in a lot of group therapy over the years but it really depends on the on the therapist leading it and in particular the first one I’d ever been in was really profound and I was one of the youngest people in the group and I remember thinking.

39:45.90
charukaarora
Now.

39:49.45
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh I’m so lucky because I’m in here when I’m young and so when I’m older I’m going to be fine like Oh’ll get to this taking care of this like trauma thing taken care of and I’ll be fine but then I didn’t realize that oh like all of their trauma happened when they were young and they were still reliving it.

39:59.54
charukaarora
Although my character.

40:07.34
charukaarora
And.

40:08.40
Meg Lionel Murphy
And I I didn’t I wasn’t prepared for the way that it stays with you and it So I’ve just been through so many waves of different kinds of therapy like when I first needed help. It was just a really good place to just talk. And just like have someone tell me over and over again that I didn’t deserve the pain and um and then after many many years of still really struggling and.

40:34.61
charukaarora
Yeah.

40:45.00
Meg Lionel Murphy
I actually had another traumatic event. Um, and every time there’s more trauma on top of trauma. Obviously it gets worse. But um I actually had a stalker which was terrible like and and we had to go through court. Um, and it was a felony level conviction which is very rare for anyone to get.

40:47.81
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, oh my goodness.

41:03.40
charukaarora
I will like um yeah.

41:04.61
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, their stccer into the court system and have it stop and unfortunately I wish it didn’t have to go through the court system but there’s no resources United States for anything like this and um, the stccer was able to get some mental health treatment through the process which made me feel better I felt like in some weird way I was helping them get help.

41:15.63
charukaarora
Um, make.

41:21.57
charukaarora
Yeah.

41:24.23
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Mean because there was some serious mental illness. But after that I completely crashed and I was deeply suicidal Honestly I could not imagine how I was going to like I Just if.

41:34.40
charukaarora
Just yeah.

41:40.00
Meg Lionel Murphy
If things like this were going to keep happening in life I I’m like I can’t do it I’m done I I can’t live and I um I would be able to find um like a more significant mental health situation. So I probably needed to be in an inpatient but my insurance wouldn’t cover it. So I.

41:40.42
charukaarora
Yeah. Text.

41:59.13
Meg Lionel Murphy
Got the very bare minimum that my insurance would cover to get an outpatient all day program just for two weeks but they were able to it was a lot of education on how to just get through that really difficult moment and also they would monitor medication.

42:15.94
charukaarora
Yes, because.

42:17.34
Meg Lionel Murphy
As I was in front of them so I had access to psychiatrists and therapists in the same building and also access to other people that were experiencing the same thing and that’s not always great. It’s hard to watch other people in pain. Um, but it was the next step of mental health treatment that I really needed and I I always encourage people.

42:26.47
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

42:36.28
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Think there’s a huge like stigma around therapy is going away like people seem to be more interested in therapy. But there’s still a huge stigma against like institutional treatment in that way like you know, just like going in on a daily basis. You know.

42:41.89
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

42:50.43
charukaarora
Um, yeah, absolutely yeah, yeah, and I think all I think um even though that and I think I personally feel that that E those I just Stma the the.

42:55.91
Meg Lionel Murphy
To a mental health facility.

43:06.40
charukaarora
Let of sigma around having started but that’s the stigma around hi Michael has and more than of them I very too likely and like it like you know a factop would do like a you know.

43:10.75
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes.

43:24.15
charukaarora
This will and that will do and yeah I mean struggle in some cases where someone’s just on so so like yeah you get that switch I think you get that fortune like on theary but that’s not how to solve situations that we not sell now using Bri. Trust. To traffic. But I do feel like even today that um, truly someone was not waiting through thought situations that tough for them to understand that how pink pan forward even when you don’t want everyone for and that they still and.

43:55.27
Meg Lionel Murphy
Maybe.

43:59.95
charukaarora
And people I think it’s also culturally I think culturally thought okay some things have happened and then there’s a pattern that people expect. Okay, you will take some time and then you pop up with it and if you don’t then there’s something wrong with you.

44:10.66
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes.

44:19.48
charukaarora
And cal.

44:23.19
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, and I think I’ve it’s taken me a long time to feel confident in the fact and I get peace from this I think some people don’t like this. Um.

44:36.50
Meg Lionel Murphy
For a lot even even like um there is even a backlash right now against the idea of trauma I don’t know if you’ve been following it. But there’s there’s a huge backlash against it and like the idea of it just like we’re too focused on trauma narratives in the past and an art and I think.

44:41.87
charukaarora
Yes, yes, have my and has on so.

44:53.89
Meg Lionel Murphy
First of all, if you’ve been through severe trauma. That’s so painful to have people say to you like or to even see it in the media and treat it in such a way that doesn’t feel respectful or kind or nuanced enough for my taste. But so it’s just we’re living in a world that just does not respect pain and. I know everyone’s pain is different and it takes a lot of time and conversation and nuance and patience and space to really see someone’s pain and yeah I it’s it’s I am just so frustrated. Honestly, um, but yeah.

45:22.48
charukaarora
Now.

45:30.44
charukaarora
And I based correct life.

45:33.25
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh no, just I think that it’s I’ve come to the place where if I I don’t have a lot of I don’t let a lot of people into my life very closely. But those that I do have in my life I really need people that make space for me to be deeply sad and I probably will be sad for the rest of my life and that’s okay.

45:41.88
charukaarora
Cf.

45:52.77
Meg Lionel Murphy
That’s okay and like just I need people in my life that accept that and the people that want you to get over it I can’t Okay, then we can’t I won’t I will never be over this.

45:53.60
charukaarora
Sma. And.

46:02.38
charukaarora
Yeah I yes I think I think you’re so so on the spot on there ticket I think a lot people like I think of two weeks it so I feel like um. But you you’ve had not 1 form of trauma and again some form of trauma on on the surface when you picked off about and see and talk and like there. There’s so many things that you don’t talk about and that may not be as significant as something major. That’s happened in your life. But then I underlying videos and.

46:34.57
Meg Lionel Murphy
This is.

46:37.00
charukaarora
Someone may have a lot of more support and shaman may not have had that and that makes a lot of distance from how long they take. How did they? Yeah what they feel? um and yet I do feel like life said like I do feel like that a hundred. And like today I think it’s also feeling guilty like so many times I feel Guiltyy and bad that I don’t want to bring that to anybody else’s and I do do make it again. Um.

47:12.45
charukaarora
In way that I know. Okay, you know this great video and lift every ham I can join but I also need Julie I know that there is a part of me that that whole fan that triggers and unur but I may be happy 1 moment. Um, the next moment it should be decrease resistance and that I just like be about it. What I can really do with break that moment and then find my piece back there and so it out together and find encourage to start again.

47:43.48
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, and I think if you find the right people in your life like and I totally relate. There’s been so many times where I’ve like I cannot call this person crying again like I cannot do it I don’t want to do that to them. But.

47:56.39
charukaarora
Next? Yeah yeah.

48:01.89
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Do think it’s nice to have a few different people you can rely on and it is important to always be able to feel like you can reach out and I know for me like I need to go into this imaginary space of my my creativity and my painting world because.

48:16.74
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

48:19.34
Meg Lionel Murphy
There are pieces inside myself that I can soothe myself with and I think that’s been really powerful to see like you need all of it and um, but you know like don’t you like even this conversation is so wonderful I was just thinking like this feels so good. Even if it wasn’t a podcast. It just feels good.

48:23.40
charukaarora
Um, stand up.

48:34.86
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

48:38.57
Meg Lionel Murphy
To talk to people and whenever I whenever someone tells me something really painful I always say to them. Well you know what like I’m so glad we’re talking about this now. But let’s talk about it a hundred more times because there’s like so much to mine there.

48:51.32
charukaarora
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

48:55.14
Meg Lionel Murphy
It could never be 1 conversation. It’s going to be a lifetime of conversations about this thing and and that’s what I want from people too. It’s like we have to keep going there to kind of really make it feel safe even in the small ways. Yeah.

49:05.69
charukaarora
Um, yeah know I think that’ and you know someone you don’t like for someone like me I have so everything like everything happens I am a person who shot sound very quickly because that’s how I drew up I grew up like.

49:23.32
charukaarora
There’s something that I’m processing like I see I need to block it down and then shut it down like as a child I didn’t felt I had enough space to accept my emotions when something like this happening when I lost my mom and everything started to roll my life lifestyle to sp over um and then. I completely shut off people because e identity save and being my natural first respond to um px’ emotions was that I had to shut everything off and just just lift the match. It would just. This the farhouse are too hard and they was one little love part of my life that I own that nobody had taken that didn’t give away too much who am it is for me my natural fun difficult with shut off like.

50:06.57
Meg Lionel Murphy
Is the.

50:18.60
charukaarora
Off I think like it’s so bad that I I reach your point that I even have work today. But then this was one little part. This has been one with his part that has I think I keep saying that like this conversation everything that you do need.

50:22.85
Meg Lionel Murphy
And.

50:35.98
charukaarora
Even good. Gets a lot of over me, but it’s also one that I wake up in the morning I like something I will do in my day database I bring excitement and that will make me happy even if bit’s like you know it’s just that one desireable that keeps people in backward it like.

50:49.18
Meg Lionel Murphy
Is.

50:55.40
charukaarora
My dog. Yes I am you have I have she and I think they are so much so much. A big part of everything I am because that no one of almost love I live no more better than that I think I don’t know what.

51:09.54
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes.

51:14.23
charukaarora
I think I truly see big theme and that and hard and team the with them that I ever in my life from degree. Yeah.

51:27.83
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Love that I Really hope that in the future There will be more um, understanding of the way that dogs in particular can heal trauma.

51:39.18
charukaarora
I I I swear I flu.

51:43.94
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, I Totally agree and I I have um, a little Chihuahua Mix Mutt who I love with my whole heart and yes, yes, and he for a while I was working with a therapist and we got him certified as a support as a service dog. But.

51:48.74
charukaarora
I I fell yeah.

51:58.53
charukaarora
Yeah, so.

52:01.15
Meg Lionel Murphy
And he really would like if I had I was having such an issue after my stalker in particular being in public because I felt so seen because sometimes I would be observed I didn’t know I was being observed and I just I and if I had this little dog and I could put him to my heart.

52:05.42
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he and.

52:18.55
Meg Lionel Murphy
I could feel his little heart beating and I could just like I would calm down and it would go from like have dealing like I was having ah you know a panic attack a heart attack sometimes I wouldn’t be able to get home. You know without this little dog and I would bring him everywhere everywhere and but I honestly got.

52:29.77
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

52:36.12
Meg Lionel Murphy
So much negative feedback from people saying he’s too small to be. You’re lying. He’s not a service dog. You’re lying and I was like it. It became so much like negative feedback around this tiny little dog.

52:39.55
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

52:53.85
Meg Lionel Murphy
That I stopped bringing him in public and I and it now we I still get some therapeutic. You know he’s great. But I hope that in the future that there’s more like there’s more room and I’ve seen on Instagram there’s a few small chihua service dogs that are doing the work they’re doing the advocacy work. But. There’s something really special about them and I think they’re oh healing.

53:12.86
charukaarora
Um, yeah I think my dog with this dog like I they just like but they brought me like support and like a space that I needed to be myself.

53:29.79
charukaarora
I needed I think it’s hard I think for someone like me who struggles with why when it comes to expressing what I’m teaching the sense like I don’t know when I fix on this market I I think even if I was like not talking about this I found like there. It’s a little tricky for me to talk otherwise. But um when I come on the podcast like obviously I think it’s just the state of and you like because I feel like I know that someone who felt similarly was also created because I feel like as a theater. It has a numbers. They I just feel like I know that it’s. Because of who I am and what I do I think more deeply. Um, um, it makes my situation a little more different than not believe that some of but I think like um, they just I think for someone who feel scared of taking space and.

54:14.31
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, yeah.

54:26.58
charukaarora
What and being scared of what people will think and like you know all of those people just shutting down I think might also go one way that I never had to feel like I had to shut off with because I never had to speak I never had to pretend I never had 1 thing that I just had to be myself and that was like. Something I needed so much. And yeah I I think more and more people need to sex lives back for sure. Okay I know 30 something. What? What about you working in the falldown playing field now I’m adnoring this I like.

54:46.51
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, thank goodness. Yeah.

55:04.46
Meg Lionel Murphy
Well I’m so lucky I share a studio with the artist Claire Cat Erickson and so she’s also you know obviously working in my little tiny town and she is an like like a world class artist like she is.

55:04.76
charukaarora
Thank you.

55:12.55
charukaarora
Oh oh.

55:23.87
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Believe in her work so much I love working alongside her. It’s amazing I Really do think you need a community of artists like I don’t think I could live there even just one I mean there’s other artists in town that I’m deeply inspired by but working side by side in a studio where we can just like come together and then.

55:30.51
charukaarora
Um, and after those days. Yeah.

55:41.85
charukaarora
Yeah.

55:42.99
Meg Lionel Murphy
Go back to work I mean it is it. It has changed my life. So I I deeply enjoy her in just having found her. Um, and then again just like the nature the nature and the affordability. That’s why I’m there.

55:57.37
charukaarora
I I Love Yeah yeah I think you know I came to a point in between this that I was totally strugglinging with my work because making art can be needed to me to be without escape. Um, and since I was moving all the time and I was like. I didn’t have string it and I was I have to do what I had and I’m still learning with I got so much fresh that I felt like I was Shi myself like I’m not doing and why yeah was like in the what I want to move this special off making world. Um, that have to be certaining about this I have to be that I’m just going to make out to thank me to me other no other way I tried to like that and that brought me to much colleague video decided I wanted to just make for myself with no pressure. Otherwise I Think. With how how have you thought about that but it usually keep my to your G do your feeding because you probably really felt that stretch.

56:59.51
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah I I think that I need to make art to survive and that’s not really, that’s not really like something that there’s a lot of people that don’t.

57:07.00
charukaarora
Yeah.

57:16.92
charukaarora
Family.

57:17.10
Meg Lionel Murphy
Like that idea you know like art is supposed to be something more removed I don’t know I Really like the idea of making art that feels really steeped in art history and.

57:30.75
charukaarora
You.

57:32.20
Meg Lionel Murphy
I try to I try to go to art at at every angle like I want it to be in my mind fit in an academic world I want it to fit inside of a pop culture world I want it to fit inside. You know the high New York Art Market World I want it to fit inside of my small town I want. To make art that my parents can understand and like they don’t necessarily like my art by whatever it’s fine I’m trying um but I think that it’s just I really do want to make art from lots of different angles. But if I’m honest.

57:52.54
charukaarora
Man.

58:07.72
Meg Lionel Murphy
The reason I’m making art is because I just deeply enjoy it and that is one of the reasons why I did want to step away from the gallery I was working with because I wasn’t enjoying the process and the way that the gallery wanted the artwork to come out and to live inside of the world that they had created for the work.

58:14.63
charukaarora
This huge.

58:22.40
charukaarora
Ja.

58:25.54
Meg Lionel Murphy
And so I’m just so excited to go back and really make work for myself and to make it without the pressure and I’ve let go I’ve just let go of like the idea that. It needs to be you know for anyone else or to be accepted in any way if it’s accepted and it finds its world way in the art world great and I think you know there’s so many women artists.

58:50.21
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah.

59:01.80
Meg Lionel Murphy
That have made art and obscurity and have made art from small towns or made art. Well their kids are you know great and we have so many of these examples now. Um, even Georgia O’keeffe who I love and was actually born in Wisconsin you know going and and working away from the world a little bit like I think that I’m just to the point where.

59:02.65
charukaarora
I I.

59:10.62
charukaarora
You? Yes, yes yes.

59:21.65
Meg Lionel Murphy
Life is long hopefully and I just want to trust that the world of my painting if I put everything real into it that I can it will find a way out into.

59:22.35
charukaarora
Now.

59:38.36
Meg Lionel Murphy
World and I remember this is so cheesy so forgive me but like I remember being in and college and in painting and being like oh if I if I can’t imagine how good it would feel to make a painting that just 1 person was moved by like it felt like.

59:42.37
charukaarora
I After the.

59:55.36
charukaarora
And.

59:57.83
Meg Lionel Murphy
Most amazing possibility like just 1 person could like see themselves in my work I would feel so good and I’ve I’ve achieved that I think I think I’ve at least made one person. Ah okay, good. So I’ve made you programs. So I think like it’s just.

01:00:06.50
charukaarora
I glad to be here. You Dave time seeing I contact with you I kind but.

01:00:15.75
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, and if I even just like keep that mentality just like okay if there’s just 1 person that connects to this painting I’ll feel okay like I just need to go back to the basics and hope that things work out. That’s all I have that’s all I know at this point.

01:00:29.67
charukaarora
My goodness I am so so so so happy that you find this because you know I knew I just knew and I think honestly if I will being on it some pre on the show I don’t think I ever I on so hard as much as I like about you. I Nope it is nobody and there’s so many times that I she left a monster with that like I’m not um to I will take go forward for 3 and and but there was something about you. You know when you see some money if like I really want to keep this. But. And for me my thought that is just that I want people people that actually want to keep to people and I I Sometimes I was like I high I asked my personal questions the that like why am I startling back to to and I feel like I have my answer and.

01:01:19.28
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Know my god.

01:01:25.97
charukaarora
And just so glad we finally made this to because um I just so grateful. Having thank you so much.

01:01:31.15
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh my gosh. Well it’s It’s my first podcast I’ve ever done So I was terrified and thank you for your persistence in getting me here and I it’s just such a joy and it’s.

01:01:37.70
charukaarora
I.

01:01:50.39
Meg Lionel Murphy
Because I respect what you do so much that I wanted to make sure that I was up for it and knew who I was I do think that I know who I was I am right now because you know honestly a year ago was when we really were going to try to do this. My.

01:02:02.23
charukaarora
And.

01:02:08.57
Meg Lionel Murphy
My experience with like I I really got my heart broken in the in the art world like the art world has broken my heart a little bit. It’s not an easy world. It’s not a kind world. Um, and and so I I was really questioning about whether or not I wanted.

01:02:12.83
charukaarora
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:02:25.77
charukaarora
Yeah I get them.

01:02:26.77
Meg Lionel Murphy
To keep making art to be honest and and not that I would not stop but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep doing what I had been doing if it was worth it and I’ve taken the last year to know that I do want to keep doing it so I just really appreciate you letting me come back and really to say that to myself even here like I will keep going in this scary scary world.

01:02:44.19
charukaarora
I No I’m Notcha yeah you and I got that because I can completely feel the same. You know there’s so many times I I keep questioning why am I getting your um pull my life like better Fourth believe he just.

01:02:46.65
Meg Lionel Murphy
And it’s an honor to meet you.

01:03:00.34
charukaarora
Apart from me that I want but also the good I knew I mean for a very long time I’m not um I needed before travel I told you that if does not matter to me but I am going to be because I life but more like to go like I love me for consation I don’t like to world to party. Can event make small talk I’m fortunately shock and it’s not that you to have so fun conversation with anyone every and I knew like I I have never felt my thought in the article that. I think like we learningly handle like where I’m thinking right now and I had to be okay with the fact because I felt harsh and like you know, whatever that or not but because I always felt like an outside girl the something comes from a distant city. No background I have all deposits I like and and then one day I was like I know I know even with the podcast that I’m not doing there so many people who the same and we give but I still want to make it Testimony office I still want to meet up about. Major don’t want to be a ah kind of world which is I don’t have any like but I do don’t see myself and like if I don’t want me myself. What’s stopping me to lift the light that I want or make the light I want that means.

01:04:30.71
charukaarora
If I need to and that I think that’s also how um, my action to work and what do about our Target Community I was like no I didn of course I want community but I also wanted follow with I also want an old single I very like. I love working with creative people like artists like have conversation this we are the I do not have to be part of both Xyz and so many others and I don’t have a problem we it does like the alliance for sure. But if you of cutting an act that. Should make or say that I don’t want to be a part of what meansstream. What? Actually what it and I’m okay with if I need to create a small little world that makes we work and where we can do what they want to do and that’s how we came on to like you know I really want out. It’s like even my need focus I really want how students have. Business money making business and three h the us because I know what it used to be stopping I never wished anybody and if that is lifetime to figure out how women scan.

01:05:42.62
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, is in.

01:05:45.16
charukaarora
And label life that that’s heart to beirous and not compromise that of scientifically and like creativity to be it.

01:05:46.68
Meg Lionel Murphy
Is. Yes, yes, absolutely I So agree I So agree. Thank you so much I’m so glad to be a part of the community that you’re building and it’s really really special. You’re Amazing. You are amazing.

01:06:00.70
charukaarora
I So that have you hi hold. But I havet Rapid Fire slipppping I Found let people without that. Okay, it’s an rapid fire. There’s no I can draw just give you what up to you now? okay.

01:06:08.60
Meg Lionel Murphy
Okay, okay, okay, okay I’m ready. Okay I’m ready.

01:06:19.15
charukaarora
1 2 3 here we go 1 thing you want to convey to your both India one yeah 1 thing you want to be wait for your both India.

01:06:23.97
Meg Lionel Murphy
Okay, say it again I’m ready I’m ready I’m ready. Oh My gosh I’m getting some feedback I can’t hear what you’re saying I’m so sorry for some reason I’m okay.

01:06:36.27
charukaarora
Ah, no problem. 1 thing 1 thing you wonder they make clear world in the art.

01:06:42.84
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh my gosh. There’s like this little scratchy thing that’s happening like I’m so sorry.

01:06:46.38
charukaarora
Oh it could be my head. Let me know that final okay can me now see now. But.

01:06:59.94
Meg Lionel Murphy
Um, yes.

01:07:05.74
charukaarora
Okay, what’s that 1 thing you want to convey through your work is ah.

01:07:12.76
charukaarora
Not that what that one boy does expect you the best.

01:07:13.90
Meg Lionel Murphy
Honesty.

01:07:18.15
Meg Lionel Murphy
Emotional.

01:07:21.62
charukaarora
Um, if you could have it to go anywhere in the world that would it be.

01:07:26.82
Meg Lionel Murphy
L a.

01:07:29.35
charukaarora
Here with his source of inspiration who every woman out there any point of time anybody could see us I think admiration but not happening.

01:07:32.17
Meg Lionel Murphy
Virginia wealth.

01:07:45.50
Meg Lionel Murphy
I Love so many I Love so many? um.

01:07:54.83
Meg Lionel Murphy
Okay, okay, Frida Callo I’ll have to say I have to say Frida calllo.

01:07:56.41
charukaarora
I Love I For some means I knew if I think I just say sad it was me that okay, who’s your voting person when you in trouble by.

01:08:02.71
Meg Lionel Murphy
Ah, yes, yes.

01:08:13.52
Meg Lionel Murphy
The woman who got me out of my marriage.

01:08:17.91
charukaarora
And your but the ones that you were running paper out. Oh we need more people like this lots more people. Okay I’m really curious about this one. This is more than my voice for sure I’m sure not to hand many.

01:08:20.76
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yes, yes, Jamie Willard we do

01:08:32.97
Meg Lionel Murphy
Okay.

01:08:37.77
charukaarora
But what but 1 moment can you recall that he already cheish next moment that you feel like I’m truly like a piece of grateful for email out like to me to do the work that I do like some moment that you really really touch and feel. I suppose let me be like yeah.

01:09:00.22
Meg Lionel Murphy
I think my very first solo show in Minneapolis just the opening was a big success and it just was like the moment where it felt real.

01:09:17.68
charukaarora
You? Yeah no, as process if you want to meet younger men today. What is why could you be wrong? yeah.

01:09:17.96
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah.

01:09:34.25
Meg Lionel Murphy
Don’t get married. Um, young, don’t get married young. Um, and.

01:09:37.50
charukaarora
But yeah.

01:09:46.59
Meg Lionel Murphy
Terrible things will happen to you and try to find the teensiest shreds of Beauty in those experiences and keep going.

01:09:59.96
charukaarora
Keep going my key point. Okay, vanda shout out to an artist among who are who you’re currently loving on social media.

01:10:05.58
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah.

01:10:12.60
Meg Lionel Murphy
Ah, okay, well definitely Claire Kat Ericson my studio mate I love her so much. She’s so good. Um, it’s she devil on Instagram and ah yeah, and her work is really.

01:10:18.80
charukaarora
Yeah, no.

01:10:29.70
Meg Lionel Murphy
Special. It’s like um, taking a look at you know what? it’s like to be a black woman in Rural America and it’s so powerful and I get emotional by thinking about her work because I love it so much I think she’s just brilliant and I and I watch her struggle to.

01:10:34.87
charukaarora
The.

01:10:42.41
charukaarora
But square.

01:10:48.55
Meg Lionel Murphy
Just you know make ends me too and we and and she deserves all the fame in the world. It just drives me crazy. So I think um I think she deserves a lot of love on social media and she’d make a great interview too about her. Yeah, she devil Claire Kat Erickson perfect perfect

01:10:50.75
charukaarora
Um, yeah.

01:10:57.95
charukaarora
That that how look get next me, you can echo with me we that then let’s have with are okay, thank you so much man I am so glad.

01:11:06.39
Meg Lionel Murphy
Great.

01:11:14.24
charukaarora
If it 1 word. So so nice un thing to speak do I think I feel like I just came out of her catholic.

01:11:16.81
Meg Lionel Murphy
Oh my goodness. Oh my gosh me too. Thank you so much. Oh my goodness have such a good night. Ma Bye Oh yes.

01:11:25.39
charukaarora
Thank you? Well here. But before I go anybody whos listening where would where can people find you support you anything anything that you want to share any target.

01:11:37.38
Meg Lionel Murphy
Yeah, oh my goodness. Okay well I think um, just find me on Instagram at Meg Lionel Murphy and um I also just opened a little tiny gallery and shop called the hours gallery.

01:11:52.70
charukaarora
So allow.

01:11:54.17
Meg Lionel Murphy
And that’s based in my little tiny tiny town. So um, but it lives on Instagram too. So we’re just building that up. It’s brand new and that’s another fun place to find my little world that I’m making thank you this is.

01:12:03.31
charukaarora
I care that I’m in I Sure thank you so much. Thank you I you for racism.

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